Notes on Interesting Conversations: 2 Conversation Starter/Sustainer Guidelines

Just imagine that you are at a house party (THE hotbed for conversational "speed dating"), do you notice that your general audience might have changed every 5 mins but your subject matter and storytelling methods might not have? As the main listener in the conversations you are involved in, do you become a little bored of yourself as a result?

Most conversational norms begin with small talk (ie. weather, your weekend, origin story), develops into discussions on the activities, but the majority of the time the conversation arc might never dive further into probing philosophical ideals or deviate into random chatter about that Powerpuff Girls episode featuring gangster amoebas.  

I have come to realize that in order to satisfy my own curiosity and amuse myself (which in extension, hopefully amuses those around me), my conversational approach stems from 2 basic guidelines:
(1) Deeper understanding: Asking questions that dig further into subject matter. Also includes verifying your understanding of what has just been explained with further questions. (if subject matter is appropriate and opportunity arises, inject a few fun ones into the "further questions" portion of the Q&A). 
(2) Creative explication: Varying the manner in which one explains a concept, mostly achieved by playing around with the narrative structure or adding fun word associations.

This combination of transparent curiosity and reactive playfulness is not only effective in capturing your audience but also helps keep you genuinely interested in what someone else has to say. Furthermore, the combined effect of (1) information gathering and (2) novel delivery of a concept could further goals if the participating individuals' visions are aligned. It helps develop fresh perspectives, yield collaboratively creative responses and spark new ideas as a result. Who knows where these new ideas could take us?

Nonetheless, the 2 guidelines hold conversational risks with potentially severe repercussions, especially if not practiced with care and sensitivity:
(1) Deeper Understanding => Creeper Not Understanding: Not knowing when to stop probing can quickly flip a curious mind into one that is perpetually infringing on other individual's personal space. However, it is sometimes hard to draw the line as it depends in real time on how the individual asking the questions is phrasing the questions and how the individual receiving the questions is perceiving and reacting to it. As such, there is no hard and fast rule to determine when to stop asking questions, but a usual rule of thumb is to structure your question in a transparent yet balanced manner. As you are delivering it, read the facial and gestural cues of your partner to gauge if it is ok for you to proceed.
(2) Creative Explication => Irreverent Exploitation: When one gets creative with narrative structure and word associations, one is relying heavily on intuition and the unconscious mind to guide your verbal journey. Intuition, most of the time, does not come with an inbuilt filter. Without sufficient practice or awareness of where intuition could bring you, your motor mouth could autopilot you into dangerous territory. To exercise the right of Creative Explication without causing social damage requires an individual to have had reflected heavily on important issues and to have had set defined boundaries - boundaries that are cognizant and sensitive of others' point of views.

Notes on Lee Kuan Yew & Singapore

The following notes were written and sent to a friend via email whilst I was standing in line to pay my tribute to Mr Lee Kuan Yew at a satellite tribute center. Singapore impresses me everyday - and his passing has furthered my understanding and appreciation of the city state he has left behind. 

The following email has been slightly tweaked for grammatical errors, clarification or development of concepts, but the bulk of it is remains as it was:

Though it is mostly business as usual, the country is quite affected by his passing and the mood is somber. On social feeds as well there are so many tribute posts that celebrate his vision and contributions to this country. You probably have seen a few of them. The one I agree the most with is this one noting from a more pedestrian POV (isn't that the most important?), the impact LKY's policies have had on this country. http://wapo.st/1EXytDf 

In many ways the article reflects some of my current revelations after living in Detroit and 180 degree-ing to Singapore: Autocracy that works to provide more freedom is perfectly fine with me. The notion of American democracy and the freedom it espouses has its merits - and I used to be a "worshipper" - but frankly is deeply flawed, especially with many recent events that have been unfolding back Stateside. 

I believe that the reality of a socially contracted world (meaning if one does not decide to live in the wild with no human contact) is that we need to function as a social unit. For a unit comprising of parts to work, compromises that supersede individual priorities is required for the unit not to implode due to descent and descend into chaos.

Nonetheless, due to the fundamental differences in human perspectives, not all can come to a common understanding of compromises. As such, a Confucianist enforcement prioritizing basic human needs and rights benefiting the whole and not a singular individual is sometimes necessary to the survival of a society. The key notion here is "prioritizing basic human needs and rights benefiting the whole", as these enforcements should arise from reason and should be performed with a balanced approach so as not to devolve into an archaic system that induces fear and unrest. I think LKY in many ways has practiced Machiavelli's notion of an enlightened monarch (found in The Prince - a controversial text in today's enshrinement of democracy, but I found myself agreeing with the ideas in the book when I read it at age 19).

You should come visit - you'll understand what I mean about this country. Everything here just works: in a very efficient and precise way. 

Anyway, Mr LKY's body is now lying in-state at the Parliament House near where the Esplanade. I'm currently in line in one of the many tribute centers set up around the country. Though his remains are not here, there are long lines. The one that I am standing in line now is leading into a community center located in this downtown area called Tanjong Pagar. It's LKY's old political stomping ground, and also fortuitously, where I now live. The community center is located right below this massive Housing Development Board (HDB) project called The Pinnacle (google image it, it's quite spectacular) and the line is snaking around the Chinese screen-like structure that seems to hold up the skies. These subsidized housing is actually the Singapore equivalent of housing projects, but the Pinnacle doesn't even look like the projects of Europe - they look like smaller luxury apartments. It's quite fitting because I think the Pinnacle was sorta like a pet project of LKY's, and is a grandeur beating of the chest of what Singapore can achieve even with government sponsored projects (and not a white elephant too). 

Attaching an image of the line snaking around the block and around this massive housing development. Quite something as everything is very orderly. There are community center people giving out water to people in lines and during the day umbrellas are supplied. This really resonates - The civic attitudes demonstrated here is really a signifier of what this small country has achieved... Partially due to his vision and his ability of seeing things through. 

Notes on Leadership & Management Styles

Everyone has their own management style and each style might excel given the environment and situation. From my own observations and exercises flexing my mini-management muscles recently, I have come to prefer a style that combines (1) forwardly divergent thinking that finds intersections between ideas that is then (2) powered by on-the-ground action. A style that constantly makes active connections between lapses in communication and concepts (inherent to the nature of this world), as opposed to passive strategizing... An inspirational leader who not only galvanizes others to action but also unhesitatingly draws her sword to join her comrades in battle and potential bloodshed. She does so out of a sense of duty to guard and expand on territories established by others before her yet also does so for a personal substantive cause. When the war is over, she will not rest on her laurels, but will continue to build and unify her grounds.

"Territories established by others before her" - Yes, at this point in time (and for a long while now), I prefer building within a semi-established environment, to throw curve balls if they might apply and to let the system work if it does. For a rebel without a core structure to react against is not a true rebel but is a mere actor -- As our reality works in relatives. This might change in the future, but we shall see!

Notes on Being The Pragmatic Romantic

I have developed from a being, helpless to the currents of time; the ebbs and flows of emotion - to an individual, living in a state both involved yet removed from the "Now".

There's so much about this life and world that I appreciate, love and treasure - from multiple concurrent states and simultaneous vantage points. From observing mundane occurrences to mastering technical facts to laughingly appreciating meta-situations wrapped in their mise-en-abyme layers - these are my ways of experiencing the sublime gifts of life and time. I still have a fondness for abstract concepts, but prefer now to anchor these pursuits to a tangible world.

Oh this world rich with experiences - I would never want to leave it. I would never want to lose touch with it through a gradual failure of consciousness. I would never want to fall out of this earth and into an oppressing darkness of death. I want to forever ride into established and wild territories alike, in a systematic gold rush pursuit for knowledge. Yet... if and when the time comes that is beyond my control, like most things in life, I'd have to accept my reality and un-cling my self from this world.

In essence, if one is to be a true romantic, one has to be truly pragmatic as well.

The Pragmatic Romantic - A contradictory state, but a functionally extraordinary one.

Notes on "Alone-ness"

Being alone is not easy and for some, it can be a constant struggle arising from a basic need to either "feel" complete/part of a whole or arise from a bout of FOMO. Nonetheless, if one is willing to accept the challenge of living every moment with one's self - eating at a restaurant; watching a movie and sharing a pop corn with your self; spending a weekend strolling the streets of a city observing people go by alone - it can be very empowering.

I was born emotionally dependent on others and had a crippling fear of abandonment (it's true - ask my mom), but throughout the years of moving from city to city, I have come to truly revel living "alone" most of the time. A mind is stronger than one thinks and has the ability to wade out of a perception of "loneliness" to appreciate "alone-ness" as it is.

People are essential as there is a symbiotic relationship we find with each other that is necessary to growth (on both the singular and greater-humanity level). Yet there are unnecessary turmoils attached to this when we are too dependent on certain people. These people too have individual needs that are as independent and as volatile as our own - why should we demand and expect so much out of them emotionally? We should not insist on their permanent commitment to our one selves or demand from them a fulfillment of an expectation that you had unconsciously set for them. Instead we should appreciate each person as part of a Whole - a Whole that is a living and breathing library... filled with beautifully, exquisitely fragile books of every topic imaginable.

I truly do enjoy being with people in the exchange of ideas it brings and the opportunity for a good banter. However, in many ways, my time of "alone-ness" are some of my happiest moments too. For this is when I have my five senses to myself - to enjoy the little occurrences and the existing details present in life. This is also when my mind is the clearest for rumination and has resulted in a few epiphanies and a construction of my own life principles. These principles then gets fine-tuned when I meet people and have discussions with them.

See the cyclical pattern arising? To me at least, the construction of theories and principles have to go through this process of extrospection, introspection and discussion with others to truly ripen. "Alone-ness" is part of the process. So go on. Embrace it.

Notes on Marketing 001

Once in awhile, a question would be posed to me regarding my reasons for working in an advertising industry that some might consider two-faced. The field of advertising and branding is (at times) perceived to be filled with spin doctors hoodwinking consumers to purchase their peddled poisons. It can be a valid perception and not entirely unfounded - if the core value of the product is not responsible to begin with. Nonetheless, we should not be quick to categorically dismiss the communicative abilities that advertising a brand may fulfill.

I would venture to say that they are parallelisms between the creation of a larger consumer brand identity and our own individual cultivation of a personal identity. By creating and enacting an identity, on varying levels we (as in 1. larger consumer brand + 2. personal identity) are both shouting out to the public sphere that "Hello! I exist!! And this is who I am". 

Creating Identities = Branding ("This is who I am!")
Enacting Identities = Advertising ("Hello! I exist!")
Both are forms of communication and work to influence perception.

Some might say - hey, consumer brands are not people, they want you to buy their products. If we break the "buy their products" down to its basic components, what it really is is an entity trading one value for that of another. In some ways, people on an individual level are like that too - trading value for another, potentially in the form of respect, acceptance etc.

So, do you spend time grooming yourself?
Did you decide to put in some effort today, or none at all?
What do you like and what do you dislike?
Do you want people to know or not?

In my opinion, anytime you try (or don't), your (un)conscious decisions to represent yourself is an iteration of a part of your identity and everyone has multiple main or sub-identities depending on the individual. These identities can either all be at ease with other or cause a massive cognitive dissonance within the individual. This inner battle within the self will transfer itself into actions and bring about the perception of insincerity when received by others. For some facets of your identity to be accepted by others, it has to be true to yourself.

What does "true to yourself" mean? Well, it means one has to feel comfortable with who you are. Your physicality, your social inclinations and whether these factors meld together in a congruous way affects how others perceive you. Multiple identities that are contradictory? No problem. Acceptance = At peace with self = Identity-Sincere Actions. 

Connecting the above observations about Identity-Sincere Actions from people to consumer brands, what then makes for good advertising on a consumer brand level?

Much like how we gravitate towards a person who is true to themselves - meaning someone whose external actions matches their inner core values - consumer brands have to do the same: sort through their objectives, arrive at hopefully a responsible core value and act to project their brand image accordingly.

If a consumer brand fails to do so and tries to force a Brand Platform that is incongruous to its core values, advertising will fail to communicate the core values of a product in a sincere and more importantly, responsible manner. Additionally, much like how people perceive other people, consumers will pick up on the forced nature of the consumer brand's advertising and the discomfort in the communication. They might ultimately reject the brand image/message that is being communicated as it is not Identity-Sincere Actions.

Notes on Rules of A Working Environment (WIP)

Application: Individual level principles to apply in social interactions at the work place.

1. Be curious - Always ask questions and learn, learn, learn.
2. Be patient - Always try to answer questions and teach, teach, teach. There are no stupid questions, just varied learning paces. By being patient and teaching others, you will also learn something (anything even) in the process.
3. Be responsible - If a mistake is made, follow these steps: take ownership, apologize, assess and then fix it.
4. Be accepting - If someone makes a genuine mistake, understand the decisions and the situation that led up to the mistake. Everyone is human and sometimes circumstances do lead up to a wrong decision.
5. Be understanding - Everyone is built differently. It is impossible for us all to hold the same perspective.
6. Be rational - Every act comes with a reason, no matter how conscious or unconscious. Observe and prioritize these reasons in your head, and come to an agreement on which reason holds more weight. Do this before coming into conflict with your work neighbor unnecessarily. 
7. Be sensitive - Making fun of someone is encouraged as it fosters relationships, BUT only with subject matter that is not personal to the individual. The more un-factual it is, the better. These jokes should not hit too close to home. If someone is tall, make fun of him being short. It also should not be repeated incessantly (it get's annoying after awhile). 
8. Be balanced - Use language and explanations that highlight both sides of the argument.
9. Be open - Ideas form when we do all of the above.

Notes on Ideas

The status of Thoughts, Concepts and Ideas.

Unspoken thoughts will never become concepts as they are merely figments of firing synapses. Spoken concepts that remain unwritten are never ideas, as they hold no everlasting impact on others without a recorded trail.

Notes on Living Tangible Experiences

Every moment is an experience waiting to be learned and internalized. We should give it a chance to speak. To understand that moment; to breathe in that moment; to savor it.

For this exact moment would never repeat itself again.

Me: sitting by my laptop; typing these l-e-t-t-e-r-s; existing in this space; at this momentary second... would float by and cease exist. You; sitting by your laptop; reading my words; occupying your spot, in this current state... would pass by, unrepeated, and lost.

Some say that you must live each moment like it is your last. I believe that we should live and appreciate each moment BECAUSE it is your last. 

Notes On Critical Observations vs Judgement

In my opinion, there is a difference between critical observations and judgement. Someone who makes critical observations is sensitive to the multiple factors that might contribute to a circumstantial outcome. Someone who judges tends to be affected by slight emotional pushes and tends to react to occurrences as they are, without regard of contributing factors. The pursuit of the "why" and "how" distinguishes the critically observant from the judgmental. When you are quick to judge and dismiss someone/something without studying the "why" and the "how", you might be limiting yourself to one perspective. This blinkered perspective, however unconscious, could lead you to not open yourself to possibilities and a wholesome understanding of the subject. It limits the possibilities to change the "why" and the "how" so that a mistake or undesirable outcome would not happen again. This is how opportunities sometimes slips away.

So make a critical observation today: be clinical in your dissection of a problem and do not jump to conclusions that is guided by gut feelings. Prick up your ears and peel open your minds. Give someone else (and by extension yourself) a chance, you may otherwise never know what lies behind what you can immediately perceive.